The marriage vocation began with creation:

The story of the human race is a love story.  It begins with God's decision to create man and woman in the divine image (Genesis 1:27).  It continues with God's decision to join man and woman in a union of love so intimate that they "become one" (Genesis 2:24).  It ends with God saying to them, "Have many children" (Genesis 1:28). 

And so God " 'is the author of marriage.'  The vocation to marriage is written in the very nature of man and woman as they came from the hand of the Creator" (CCC, 1603). 

Marriage mirrors God's love for the human race:

God joined man and woman into a union of love so intimate that it mirrors God's own love for the human race.  God's love has two distinguishing characteristics.  It is creative and redemptive --

• creative in the sense that it is "life-giving"
  It gives birth to the human race.
   

• redemptive in the sense that it is "forgiving"
  When the human race sins, God, in he person of Jesus forgives and redeems it (CCC, 1602-1611).

In a similar way, married love is creative (life-giving) and redemptive (forgiving).  It gives birth to life; and when a partner sins, it gives birth to forgiveness.  And so the liturgy of the wedding Mass draws this parallel between God's love and married love:

Marriage mirrors Christ's love for the Church:

Paul carried the image of married love a step further.  He saw it as also mirroring Christ's love for the Church:

And so the spouses' love for each other mirrors not only God's love for the human race but also Christ's love for the Church.  All three loves are creative (life giving) and redemptive (forgiving).

This brings us to a question of which we are all too painfully aware in our modern world.

The ideal of marriage is not always realized:

From earliest times, the Church has taught that the marriage bond cannot be broken or dissolved.  It bases its teaching on Jesus' words: "No human being must separate, than, what God has joined together" (Mark 10:9).  By divine law, the marriage bond "is perpetual and exclusive" (CCC, 1638).

Against this background, the Catechism of the Catholic Church makes this compassionate observation:

The Church recognizes that living out the lofty vocation of marriage involves "good times and bad".  And sometimes the "bad times" overpower the good times".  Marriage partners begin to admit things they denied before being married. And problems that they hoped marriage would solve grow even worse (CCC, 1606-1608).

When harsh realities like this set in, the couple can best express genuine marital love in two ways especially --

• by praying together for openness to God's grace and
   

• by consulting a professionally trained counselor.

Often this expression of love bears remarkable fruit, leading to a deeper, more mature love for each other.  But sometimes it does not.

What about a failed marriage?

The Church recognizes the reality of failed marriages.  And so for a very serious reason, it tolerates separation or civil divorce.  Remarriage, however, is possible only when one's spouse dies or a "declaration of nullity" is granted. 

A declaration of nullity is a judgment by the Church that what seemed to be a marriage was not.  In other words, the absence of some essential (such as lacking the maturity to marry) invalidated the attempted union form the start. 

An annulment, therefore, is not a divorce, since no marriage existed to begin with.

Catholics who find themselves remarrying when they are not free to do so should continue to worship with the Catholic community and seek its support, even though they may not receive communion (CCC, 1648-1651).

What about an interfaith marriage?

All religions recognize that a marriage between persons of different faiths is a serious step.  It may be entered into only after profound reflection, realistic dialogue, and prayer for guidance (CCC, 1633-1637).

There are so many issues that need to be faced honestly.  Consider just one example.  Catholic partners must affirm their commitment to their own faith and to sharing it with their children.  Their partners, in return, must respect this commitment.

An interfaith marriage may take place in either a Catholic Church or the place of worship of the other partner.  The couple confer marriage on each other (by their mutual consent), but a priest or a deacon -- or a rabbi or minister (with the Church's approval) -- officiates at the ceremony.

This brings us to a consideration of the married life.

Marriage is an event of grace:
(an excerpt from "Guideposts" magazine)

Tom Anderson rented a cottage on the ocean for a two-week vacation.  Before driving to the beach with his wife, he resolved that for two weeks he'd be the ideal husband. 

So he began.  For two weeks he made no phone calls to the office.  For two weeks he was caring and thoughtful.  Everything went great until the last day. 

Then Tom caught his wife staring at him through tearful eyes.  "Tom", she said, "do you know something I don't?"  "What do you mean?", he replied.  "Well", she said, "just before our vacation, I went to the doctor for a checkup.  You've been so kind to me since then.  Did he tell you something about me"  Do I have cancer?  Am I going to die?  Is that why you've been so kind to me?"

It took a full minute for her words to sink in.  Then Tom broke into a laugh, threw his arms around her, and said, "No, honey, you're not going to die.  I'm just starting to live". 

Marriage often follows four phases:

The first phase of marriage is an attraction phase -- that exhilarating experience of being drawn to each other in a way that makes life pulsate with new excitement.  This attraction takes place at four human levels:

• physical,
   

• emotional,
   

• intellectual, and
   

• spiritual.

The challenge of this phase is to keep the four levels of attraction in harmony and balance.  The danger is to let one level roam out of control and dominate the others.  If a couple meet the challenge and survive the danger, their attraction will flower into a commitment to marry.

Next comes the integration phase.  Once a couple marry, they begin the necessary process of integrating the excitement of love with the ordinariness of life.

The challenge of this phase is to retain love as the couple's top priority.  It is to keep love from becoming routine.  The danger is to begin to take love for granted and to subordinate it to other things.

Third, there is the conflict stage.  It begins when marriage partners fail the challenge or fall into the danger of the second phase.  When this happens -- and it does to some degree in most marriages -- the relationship enters a sensitive stage.  Faults and foibles that were once overlooked now ignite conflict.  The "adoring spouse" becomes the "nagging adversary".

The challenge of this phase is to steer conflict into constructive directions.  The danger is to avoid or suppress conflict rather than deal with it.  If conflict is suppressed, communication breaks down and resentment builds.

The fourth phase is the maturation phase.  It begins when the partners resolve to deal constructively with conflict and rediscover love or deepen love.  It can be the most beautiful period in marriage.

To understand how this phase works, some marriage counselors make use of what they call the "rubber band" principle.  Andrew Greeley explains it this way in The Bottom Line Catechism:

The challenge of this phase is to forgive each other's faults and to rediscover each other's goodness. The danger is to give up and let love die rather than let it be reborn. 

If marriage partners meet the challenge, it will launch them into an orbit of married love that is more beautiful and more romantic than the love they first experienced.

What, then, is married love?

Background:

The Catholic Church did not universally recognize marriage as a sacrament until the Council of Trent [1545 -1563]. The difficulty was in equating the perceived sinfulness of sexuality with a sacrament condoning that sinfulness.

It has since been recognized as a vocation instituted by God and of the very nature of man and woman as they were created by God. Sex is seen, not as inherently sinful, but rather as a special gift from God to allow his creatures to be "fruitful and multiply".  It has a spiritual aspect aimed at mutual love which strengthens and advances the individuals while also strengthening the bond between the married couple and their relationship with God.

Marriage is also for the procreation of life ... to produce children, as well as directed toward raising and educating them. The Sacrament of Matrimony is a covenant that not only binds two individuals to one another, but also binds them to God who joins them in the marital sacrament.

The purpose of marriage is the mutual "good of the spouses and procreation and education of offspring".  [Code of Canon Law, c.1055]

The outward sign of the Sacrament of Marriage is the consent and the exchange of vows. Consent refers to the intention of a man and woman to enter into an irrevocable covenant, mutually giving and accepting one another. The exchange of rings is often seen as an unofficial outward sign.

The institution by Christ is seen by his presence at weddings and his teaching against divorce, "what God has joined together men must not divide".   [From the Gospel]

The grace of the Sacrament of Marriage is that of becoming Christ to one another, building up the covenant and the strength to raise and educate children.

Planning a wedding?

Couples desiring to celebrate the Sacrament of Marriage at St. Justin, Martyr should call at least SIX (6) MONTHS in advance of their proposed wedding.

It is recommended that couples not set a wedding date until they have arranged for and been interviewed by the Parish Pastor.

Catholics should be REGISTERED members of the St. Justin, Martyr, Parish who actively participate in the Sacramental life of the Church.

Catholics who have not celebrated the Sacrament of Confirmation will be encouraged to do so prior to the wedding.

Participation in a pre-marriage program is required of all couples.

For further information please contact the Church Office during normal business hours. Telephone: (727) 397-3312

Internet Catechism Link & Related Sites:

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